How The 'Zero Date' Could Be The Key To Not Wasting Your Time
There are a few ways to deal with a bad date. You could continue the date, sacrificing the rest of your evening to avoid seeming rude. You could ask a friend to call you, feigning an emergency so you have an excuse to bail. Or you could directly let your date know there's no chemistry before dashing out the door.
Alternatively, you could avoid all this hassle, and the chance of a bad date souring your quest for love, by going on a "zero date." The genius concept was first introduced to the world by podcaster and entrepreneur Christina Wallace in a 2018 TED Talk. Wallace defines a zero date as a "one drink, one hour" meeting that comes before an official first date. The goal of a zero date is to determine if you'd like to have dinner with the other person — not to decide if they're your soulmate. If things go well, schedule a real date after the zero date is over, and if it's a flop, breathe a sigh of relief knowing there's no obligation to go on a formal first date.
The idea may sound overly simple, but the speedy nature of a zero date means you can save time and energy, especially if your dating apps are bursting with dozens of matches. Consider it a pre-date to help you weed out the duds and focus only on the potential partners you're really interested in.
How to successfully pull off a zero date
As Christina Wallace shared in her TED Talk, one of the benefits of zero dates is that you have the power to initiate — since the stakes are lower than a proper first date, there's no reason to wait for the other person to make a move. However, she suggests being somewhat selective when choosing who to ask out. Wallace set a three-point benchmark: Online matches must use complete sentences and good grammar, reference something specific from your profile when messaging, and abstain from making sexual comments. Follow her guidelines or set your own when sifting through your matches. When someone checks all your boxes, initiate a zero date, being clear that it's a quick one-hour meet-up. This can stave off awkwardness and ensure everyone's on the same page.
If you're not keen on using dating apps, there's another way to try the trend: speed dating. As clinical sexologist and relationship coach Ness Cooper explained to Metro, "Speed dating has worked on a similar concept, but rather than being at an arranged event with a host to move things along, with zero dates the individual is being their own agent in the process from arranging to deciding whether or not it's time to move onto the next date." If you need a hand when setting up your pre-dates, online service The Zero Date hosts events for singles to mix and mingle, speed-dating style.
Downsides to keep in mind
While you might have a clear idea of what a zero date entails, your match might not. This can blur social norms and cause confusion that could impact how you ultimately view each other. For instance, your date may assume that a zero date is a casual meeting and won't pull out all the stops to win you over like they might on a first date. You could then misinterpret their behavior as a lack of interest, when really, they just didn't want to come on too strong during the "not-a-date" date.
Moreover, some people are slow-burners who let their feelings take their time. Sure, you might not want to waste hours getting to know someone, only to realize the relationship was a dead end. Still, taking a speedy approach and limiting first interactions to zero dates could result in you missing out on a real catch, simply because they need a little more time to warm up. That might be why, according to a 2023 survey conducted by OnePoll on behalf of Canada Dry, singles prefer that initial dates clock in at around three hours, rather than just one (via New York Post).
All in all, the zero date concept could come in handy if you're suffering from dating burnout and need a fresh approach, though it doesn't have to be a hard-and-fast rule. Even Christina Wallace admitted that her zero date with her current partner turned into a first date within the same evening.